This morning at 5am I find myself awake, and oddly it was not the result of my darling 3 month old boy. Although that certainly was the case last week, which caused me to learn that my favorite shows from when I was 10 years old (Boy Meets World and Sabrina the Teenage Witch) are on between 5am and 7am .
Anyhow, it being Sunday morning I spent some time meandering around the internet instead, and I stumbled upon a video I had seen before, but decided to watch it again anyways.The video is an inspirational video clip entitled "Motherhood an Eternal Partnership With God."
I had seen the video before but I am so glad that I was prompted to view the video again because it touched my heart on this early Sunday morning, just as it did the first time I watched it (which was during a period of time where Mr. B spent most of him waking hours crying). I was particularly touched by the quote:
"You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in heaven has in you. He is blessing you and he will bless you."
Even typing it out I find tears in my eyes, because I find the words so uplifting. Those who know me extremely well, may know this but I am constantly one of those people who believe that they are doing far worse at life, then they actually are. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing a person who accomplished graduating college with their own hard work (no loans only academic scholarships) and good grades. I see someone who was so stupid that they studied 5-6 hours every day to accomplish a degree that made it no easier to find a job post graduation. Instead of seeing the blessing it is to be a mother at all, I find myself constantly worrying that I am a "bad mother." This especially happens at those moments where I seem to have no idea what my adorable, but inconsolable son is trying to tell me. I feel especially bad because sometimes he is especially dramatic and can announce to the neighborhood (with loud shrieks and cries) that his mother does not know how to help him.
Anyhow, that was a little tangent but it was meant to stress how basically I (and lots of other people) struggle to find the happy medium between being prideful and feeling worthless (or like a failure like I sometimes feel like I am). As such I feel incredibly blessed that the Lord constantly reminds me (through videos or outlets similar to this) that I am not worthless, but that I am just the opposite. He reminds me that as a daughter of God and as a mother, I am of extreme worth (as all daughters of God are even if there are not mothers as well). That I am not "failing at motherhood but rather that I am "doing terrifically well" and after looking at my sons adorable smiles when he wakes up every morning, sometimes I even think so too.
So to any mothers out there that are discouraged I highly recommend viewing this video, it is incredibly encouraging. It reminds us that even though motherhood sometimes seems to only involve endless days and nights of diaper changes, feedings, wiping snotty noses, attending to scraped knees, or endlessly uttering such phrases as "don't touch that, don't eat that, don't hit your brother," to name just a few, motherhood is indeed doing the "Lord's work."
It is my hope that I will remember that I am the mother God thought Mr. B needed, and that that knowledge will cause me to spend less time crying over how I feel terrible that I don't always know what he wants, and more time feeling grateful that I can hold him in my arms (even if he is crying hysterically). Ultimately, I feel so incredibly blessed that I have been given the incredibly opportunity to be Mr B's mother.
